It has been forever and a day since I have written anything on this blog. For awhile I thought I was going to just delete this all together….but here I am. Back at it again, with maybe a different approach with things..Today I decided this Self Discovery thing would be a nice change to things and a good start to maybe a more positive kind of blog. Without further FUSS! lets get to IT!
1. How Do I Fell Right This Moment?
Right now I am feeling really tired, puffy, queasy and uncomfortable. I want to go to home and get into my bed and sleep for a few days.
2. What do I need more of in my life?
Adventure. I need more spontaneouse adventure, without worry of money, and the stress of anything. I just need more ” LETS GO TO DISNEYLAND” kind of moods.
3. What would make me happy right now?
As of now, I think not having to be at work…and feeling like I can move around without people or things touching me.
4. What is going right in life?
My marriage. Not that it was ever not right, but for the first time in a long time its just the two of us, and our dog. We can start feeling like our normal selves again. OH! and I think my job and Finances are finally going right. We could still improve, but its going really well right now. ‘Knock On Wood’.
5. What am I grateful for (10 things)
- My Family. For being just being themselves, and willing to be there when we need them to be.
- My Husband, because I will forever be eternally grateful for him, for everything he dose for us, and everything he sacrifices for me, to make me happy.
- My puppy, without her the house would be empty at night.
- My sister, even though we argue all the time, she has taught me a lot of patience.
- My past, I wouldn’t change it because it shaped me into a pretty strong, kind and loving person.
- My Heavenly Father, without the knowledge of him, I would feel empty.
- My friends, They are my home away from home. I love them all so much, without them I wouldn’t have a personality, and I would of been afraid to be who I am.
- My Grandma, She is someone I look up to, she is probably the strongest most amazing person I know, and I love her so so Much!
- My job, Even though It is mentally exhausting working with someone who is mentally just like me, I am grateful I have it. It was a blessing in disguise.
- Myself. I think I am grateful for myself because I have overcome and proven that I can do anything. And that I am a good person. Strong and loving.
6. When did I experience Joy this week?
When I was taking my Dog out to go to the bathroom and she was just hopping along the wet grass like a bunny. She made me realize that it’s the smallest things in life that could put a smile on someones face.
7. List small victories and successes.
- I lost 3 lbs this week!!
- My dog learned to roll over, and Stay
- I started to write again
- I finished my Monster book of Monsters I made for Halloween.
- Didn’t fall asleep at work.
8. Whats bothering me? Why?
The fact that I am feeling so uncomfortable. I feel like everything is just so claustrophobic, my clothes, this hot boiling house that I work in, my insides just feel crammed, and I feel like I can’t breath. My body feels like its in one of those sumo wrestler suits, and It feels like I can’t do anything. I don’t really know why I feel like this…Well I sort of do, i’m uncomfortable in my body. And have been for a while.
9. What are my priorities at the moment?
- Get through the rest of this month and get through October, because I will not have hardly any days off and I have things I need to do, that is not work related.
- Spend as much time with my husband as I can before I start working 8 days in a row for two or 3 weeks. UGH!
- Get my house cleaned
- Start my artwork for the Gallery in OCTOBER!
- Go home and peel off these layers of tights and pants.
10. What do I love about myself?
My personality, and my passion for caring for others.
11. Who means the world to me and why?
Everyone that I have in my life right now, means the world to me, Because they have all been there for me at different parts in my life, and without them, I probably would not be here.
12. If I could share ONE message to the world, what would it be?
Be kind to everyone! Stop and help someone in need! Listen to the small voice in your head that tells you to turn around and do something. Be Kind to yourself as well.
13. What advice would I give my younger self ( do I follow it Now?)
There will be people in this world, people who you thought loved you, who will tell you that you are not good enough, that you are nothing but the scum on their shoes. Don’t listen to them, they say these things because this is how they feel inside, and that is okay, It is not your fault they feel that way inside. Cut them out of your life if you have to, because they will never change. Go ahead and love them, Forgive the pain the have given you, because no matter how much you hurt, they are hurting probably 10x worse, You can go ahead and try to help them, but also remember unless they want the help, they will not accept it…just don’t waste your whole life trying to fix them.
You will have some times in your life when you feel you are worthless, and you will remember the pain you have been through, and use it against yourself, STOP….your life matters to much to throw it away. You have a future family waiting for you, that will love you more than you have ever been loved. IT’s an amazing thing. Just keep going, and keep doing what you are doing because you are a pretty awesome person, and you are going to do some pretty cool things in life. Remember to love yourself, even when It is hard to.
14. What lesson did I learn this week?
Unless I do something about it, It will never happen.
15. If I had all the time in the world, what would I Do first?
Exactly what I am doing right now, live my life.
16. Whats draining my energy? How can I reduce or cut it out?
My mental health, and my weight. What I can do is exactly what everyone tells me to do…be more active.
17. What does my ideal morning look like?
Waking up well rested, sitting on my porch with an already hot and made breakfast with a cup of OJ, and a book.
18. What does my ideal Day look like?
Time spent hiking around in the mountains, with my dog and my husband…taking pictures of the beautiful trees and landscapes, and maybe pitching a tent and camping.
19. What makes me come alive? when was the last time I truly felt alive?
The smell of rain or campfire. And the last time I truly came alive was at my families little reunion, and my husband and I went four wheeling.
20. What/Who inspires me the most? Why?
There are a few people, I am inspired by my grandma, Because of how strong she is, she has gone through so much her entire life, and she holds herself together so well, shes creative and smart, and So FUNNY! I had come to realize how much we are alike.. I am also inspired by my other grandma, who passes away when I was 8, I have been gathering a lot of information about her, and have come to know her better than I was able to when I was younger, I had only known her for maybe a few months, She is also a strong women, and is also someone who had so much love for her family, and friends, she cared for them, she also through tough times, still held true to her religion, and she loved it so much. My Two Biological Grandmothers both two women with almost the same reasons why I love them, and why they inspire me.
21. Where does my Pain originate, how can I heal?
My pains comes from my past, and the Traumatic events that happened then. The events followed me through to a different life…after one pain almost healing, my wounds would get opened up again, by the same abuse, or by someone passing away. My most recent pains stem from before I got married, the events that took place before my wedding, and then the events that happened after, My Dad passing away, and the experience I had with that. Honestly my Dad passing was probably the hardest thing, I had ever been through, and probably the most traumatizing, to me as an adult. I will never be able to forget, what it was like, and I will probably never be able to go to a funeral again.
How do I Heal from this??? Time, and counseling. Honestly I don’t think you ever really heal after losing someone so close, who was so young. My Dad was only 36.
22. What are my Strengths/What am I really good at?
I think a strength I have is being able to make someone smile, who may be sad or upset…another strength would be the fact that I am very helpful, I want to be able to help someone the best I can, But that could also be my weakness…and not knowing when It becomes bad for me to help them..I am really good at painting, and photography, these are the two things I do when I have time, when I need to relax.
23. What is something I’ve always wanted to do but am to scared?
I would love to jump out of a plain! And walk across this Carrick-a-Rede Island Rope Bridge!
One Day I will do this I promise….but today I can’t afford to, and Two, I think I would die.
24. What is something I would love to learn
A different language,
25. What new hobby would I like to Learn?
26. Where would I like to live in my Ideal Life?
this is where I would live, In Oregon. DREAM
27. Where would I like to travel in the next 3 years.
28. What can I do to take better care of myself?
I could be a bit more active, do things that I want to do, go hiking, eat healthier.
29. When have I done something I thought I couldn’t?
When I was in high school I didn’t think that I would be able to become a CNA, I was told I wouldnt be able to because I wouldn’t mentally be able to handle bathing and older man…WELL I’ve proved them wrong, I have been a CNA for 5 years!!
30! At the end of my life, what would my eulogy be or say?